When I was in my mid-20’s, I had a boyfriend who used to tell me: “Baby, you look so cute with your curly hair, but when you straighten your hair…damn baby, you look so sexy.”
I was no longer the pouffy-haired little girl who used to get teased for her frizzy “ugly” hair in elementary school. Nope, by my mid-20’s I had already begun to embrace and love my own naturally curly hair.
But his comment cut through, slicing open an old wound that I guess will never completely heal. It brought up all those childhood insecurities surrounding my hair, and my overall self image.
I was old enough to know better, but it didn’t matter. After he made that comment, I remember straightening my hair more often. Every time I took a flat iron to my poor curls, I knew I was doing damage. I’d tell myself I was doing it for me (“for a change”) but let’s be honest…it was for him. Every woman wants her man to look at her and see sexy…not just cute.
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I hate to admit that I’ve ever been the kind of woman who was influenced (even slightly) by others, especially a man.
But I’d be lying if I told this story any other way. Regardless of how far I had come in my own curly hair journey, that one comment from that one man instilled doubt in me every time I looked in the mirror.
Another ex used to tell me, “I love how you’re into working out and all that healthy stuff. But make sure you don’t lift too heavy. I don’t want my girlfriend to look like a dude.”
Same guy also used to tell me, “I love my girl in dresses and high heels. When you’re out with me, that’s how I want you to dress.” I sure know how to choose em, right?!
Wear makeup, don’t wear makeup. Make money, but not too much money. Be ambitious, but not too ambitious…
I know I’m not alone. We have all heard opinions about US from other people, and unfortunately, even internalized some of these opinions. Be it a boyfriend or husband, a boss, a friend or even your own mama! Everyone else seems to have an idea on how WE should style OUR hair, form (or not form) OUR bodies, how WE dress, how we choose to make OUR living, etc.
At some point in life though, you just gotta STOP. You have to be able to look in the mirror and DECIDE who you are (and equally, who you most certainly are not) and CHOOSE to take the actions that will allow you to be truly HAPPY with you.
Yes, you really do have to learn to Love UR Self. And for most people, this isn’t an overnight thing; it’s a lifelong evolving journey.There’s a lot in a name and ours ( LUS (Love Ur Self), or Love Ur Self) stems from my own personal journey of self-love. And let me tell you, it took YEARS for me to be able to look in the mirror –and my life –and be truly happy with who I really am.
I still fail sometimes. That is, I allow others into MY space – that space that outlines the parameters that I operate in. Who am I? What makes me beautiful? What’s sexy? What’s strong? What does “success” look like? These are all things that only I can decide for myself. Not my man. Not my bff. Not society. Not even my mama.
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So what’s UR story? Where are you on this crazy journey of self-love and acceptance? What are some of your defining moments?
Comment below, I can’t wait to “meet” the real you!
Xo
Sahar
6 comments
anissa rubenstein
I teach in a predominantly Hispanic area and so many of my female students straighten their hair! I always tell them to learn to love their curls. I love it when I see them rock their curls with their pretty little hair bows! I am going to be fifty and I have learned to love my curls!
I teach in a predominantly Hispanic area and so many of my female students straighten their hair! I always tell them to learn to love their curls. I love it when I see them rock their curls with their pretty little hair bows! I am going to be fifty and I have learned to love my curls!
Dana Shepard
I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with my hair. It gets frizzy when it’s humid, having 20 different products in my bathroom to try to make it feel less dry.
In elementary school, I remember my mom cut my hair really short. Then for whatever reason she permed my hair! When it’s short, it’s more wavy than curly. Anyway, I had a boy that would call me puff ball or q-tip. It made me so self conscious about my hair.
I just found your products through Facebook in November of last year, and OH MY GOSH!! Seriously life changing! I have thrown out all of my other styling products, and shampoos! This stuff is amazing! I can’t imagine ever using anything else now. I just had my hair trimmed a week ago, and my stylist couldn’t believe how healthy my hair felt and looked since I color my hair myself. I am so grateful for these products, Sahar! I tell everyone i know with curly hair about them. Thank you!
I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with my hair. It gets frizzy when it’s humid, having 20 different products in my bathroom to try to make it feel less dry.
In elementary school, I remember my mom cut my hair really short. Then for whatever reason she permed my hair! When it’s short, it’s more wavy than curly. Anyway, I had a boy that would call me puff ball or q-tip. It made me so self conscious about my hair.
I just found your products through Facebook in November of last year, and OH MY GOSH!! Seriously life changing! I have thrown out all of my other styling products, and shampoos! This stuff is amazing! I can’t imagine ever using anything else now. I just had my hair trimmed a week ago, and my stylist couldn’t believe how healthy my hair felt and looked since I color my hair myself. I am so grateful for these products, Sahar! I tell everyone i know with curly hair about them. Thank you!
Curly Mama on a Budget
I was a popular target for makeovers during my teens and when I was in college. Inevitably, these makeovers included straightening my hair because it was a frizzy mess. It was the 2000s and no one knew what to do with hair that had any kind of texture.
I was even told that I needed straight hair if I ever wanted to get a date. It did seem like boys paid more attention when I had straight hair :(
Once I started loving my curls, thanks to a hairdresser who knew how to work with curls, I decided that I wouldn’t change my hair for any guy.
I’m now married to someone who LOVES my curls—he says they made me stand out in a sea of flat ironed hair. :)
I was a popular target for makeovers during my teens and when I was in college. Inevitably, these makeovers included straightening my hair because it was a frizzy mess. It was the 2000s and no one knew what to do with hair that had any kind of texture.
I was even told that I needed straight hair if I ever wanted to get a date. It did seem like boys paid more attention when I had straight hair :(
Once I started loving my curls, thanks to a hairdresser who knew how to work with curls, I decided that I wouldn’t change my hair for any guy.
I’m now married to someone who LOVES my curls—he says they made me stand out in a sea of flat ironed hair. :)
Mirna Ochoa
I love your story and I love what you stand for! I was also on the same boat. For many years I straightened my hair because of the comments others made “ you look younger and thinner when you straighten your curls” the crazy thing isn’t that after a horrible divorce I met an amazing man that fell in love with every piece of me and every single bouncy curl. The problem was that I could not accept that love because I had been conditioned to think otherwise. After 12 years of marriage I can honestly say that he had the patience and love to help me love myself again. It’s been almost 10 years since I straightened my curls and the times that I have he tells me “ I love your curls, that’s one thing that made me fall in love, you don’t need to damage your hair trying to impress me you already do” loving ourselves is powerful. You cannot recognize love unless you know it! You cannot spread love to others if you cannot love yourself. We live in a fickle society that has set up standards to live by! We must not conform ourselves to those standards. We must rise up above that and learn to love, accept, and empower ourselves before looking for everyone else’s approval.
I love your story and I love what you stand for! I was also on the same boat. For many years I straightened my hair because of the comments others made “ you look younger and thinner when you straighten your curls” the crazy thing isn’t that after a horrible divorce I met an amazing man that fell in love with every piece of me and every single bouncy curl. The problem was that I could not accept that love because I had been conditioned to think otherwise. After 12 years of marriage I can honestly say that he had the patience and love to help me love myself again. It’s been almost 10 years since I straightened my curls and the times that I have he tells me “ I love your curls, that’s one thing that made me fall in love, you don’t need to damage your hair trying to impress me you already do” loving ourselves is powerful. You cannot recognize love unless you know it! You cannot spread love to others if you cannot love yourself. We live in a fickle society that has set up standards to live by! We must not conform ourselves to those standards. We must rise up above that and learn to love, accept, and empower ourselves before looking for everyone else’s approval.
Delia Ruffin
I’m almost 3 years out of a toxic marriage with a man who was emotionally abusive for years. He made me feel unworthy, ugly, and disgusting. This was all new to me since I’ve always been a strong woman with a healthy self-esteem. I knew my daughter could not grow up in a household where she would witness this. I’m still healing from all of the pain and hurt he inflicted. It’s hard, but I thank God for the opportunity to rediscover my beauty and purpose. I know I’ll never lose myself again because I’ve survived the worst!
I’m almost 3 years out of a toxic marriage with a man who was emotionally abusive for years. He made me feel unworthy, ugly, and disgusting. This was all new to me since I’ve always been a strong woman with a healthy self-esteem. I knew my daughter could not grow up in a household where she would witness this. I’m still healing from all of the pain and hurt he inflicted. It’s hard, but I thank God for the opportunity to rediscover my beauty and purpose. I know I’ll never lose myself again because I’ve survived the worst!
Brittany
Hello Sahar,
Thanks for sharing your story. Like you, I was always told that my curly hair was okay but that I was beautiful when my hair was straight. Growing up, I was the only little white girl in my class with curly, frizzy hair and even my siblings had beautiful straight hair. I remember having nicknames like Ramen noodle head. Of course I laughed along and tried to hide how it felt to be made fun of. As a result, I fought my curly hair until recently. Sure, I tried many curly lines but nothing ever worked. My hair was either frizzy and dry or stiff and weighed down.
When I saw your product advertised on Facebook my first thought was yeah right. She has beautiful hair. There’s no way my hair would look that good. I passed up the chance to try the product until I kept seeing it appear it my newsfeed. One day I decided, what the heck. I ordered the curly, step 3 and prayed it would work half as good as advertised. As soon as I got the product I tried it. I had to learn to use it because past products always required more rather than less. Also, prior to using your product I never diffused my hair. I didn’t even own a blow dryer because I thought curly hair + blow dryer = Cha Chia pet lol.
I cannot tell you how much I love the product. It’s really given me so much confidence and I FINALLY feel like I have beautiful hair. I can’t tell you how many compliments I get on my hair. I even have people asking what I use. I always mention your site and explain your story (I feel it’s important).
Again, thank you for never giving up. You made curly, pretty hair possible for ME!
Thanks!!
Brittany Schnabel
Hello Sahar,
Thanks for sharing your story. Like you, I was always told that my curly hair was okay but that I was beautiful when my hair was straight. Growing up, I was the only little white girl in my class with curly, frizzy hair and even my siblings had beautiful straight hair. I remember having nicknames like Ramen noodle head. Of course I laughed along and tried to hide how it felt to be made fun of. As a result, I fought my curly hair until recently. Sure, I tried many curly lines but nothing ever worked. My hair was either frizzy and dry or stiff and weighed down.
When I saw your product advertised on Facebook my first thought was yeah right. She has beautiful hair. There’s no way my hair would look that good. I passed up the chance to try the product until I kept seeing it appear it my newsfeed. One day I decided, what the heck. I ordered the curly, step 3 and prayed it would work half as good as advertised. As soon as I got the product I tried it. I had to learn to use it because past products always required more rather than less. Also, prior to using your product I never diffused my hair. I didn’t even own a blow dryer because I thought curly hair + blow dryer = Cha Chia pet lol.
I cannot tell you how much I love the product. It’s really given me so much confidence and I FINALLY feel like I have beautiful hair. I can’t tell you how many compliments I get on my hair. I even have people asking what I use. I always mention your site and explain your story (I feel it’s important).
Again, thank you for never giving up. You made curly, pretty hair possible for ME!
Thanks!!
Brittany Schnabel